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oh my god yeah somebody asked me they say well in your first special that you got to do you kept talking about this guy this friend of yours named felipe is he a real person? he is a real person... and he... he's an oooold friend

known him forever but he's one of thesecomedians who doesn't know when to stop being funny and that's why sometimesit's hard to hang out with the guy cause cause, you know... i know when to quit especially around cops when i hear the joke is over

if i hear you get an apology my friend didn't know when to draw theline, you know? we're hanging out one day and sure enough freakin cop got mad oh you think it's real funny huh? you think... you think it's easy to be a police officer? you see that scar? i got stabbed in '92

see that? bullet wound '96 what you got to say about that? and i was like, i have nothing to say about that my friend felipe was like oh yeah? what are you doing? fool, watch this... ahhh! what are you doing?! he grabs my shirt

pulls it up tells the cop... fool, you see those stretch marks? donuts 1996 i said dude! he's gonna kill us! i know fool, but it was funny huh? and speaking of that i get pulled overby a cop one night two minutes after coming out of a krispy kreme drive through

all right? don't get ahead of me watch i made aleft turn instead of making a right but i wasn't paying attention cause i had a box i was like oh you're gonna get it when you get home oh you've been so bad so... ahhh! i'm gonna getthis

i'm not paying attention i go the wrong way right? sure enough awwwwwhh! i pull over... later... i'm sitting there patiently waiting and the cop is taking forever i said the hell with this

he's taking too long i grab my box i put it on my lap i flipped it open right? oh i was gonna get nasty and just as i was about to tear it up, the cop gets to the window and says the same thing that they all say right? you know why i stopped you? it was too easy...

i looked at him and i said... cause you can smell it! aww, he was dying man... son of a bitch! whatever, he let me go man that's what i'm sayin. you just gotta be careful and if you can make a cop laugh you got a chance

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