-almost finished packing. i don't want to brag, buti am really good at it. when i was 12, i rolled thescore over on an arcade tetris machine, so. anyway, we're leaving tomorrowfor the gaming convention.
ridiculous fad diets list, -the guild is carpoolingin vork's creepy van. so as long as there's not anamber alert out, we should arrive tomorrow, readyfor a weekend of-- i'm not really sure.
i've never been to anerd-stravaganza before. but getting offline and out ofmy element will be awesome. give me some space to work outmy chaotically aligned feelings about zaboo. am i into him? do i want to do thenasty with him? idea isn't repulsing me, but-- whatever. road trip.
[singing tetris theme] [theme music playing] [horns honking] -i spy with my little eye, oh. a family of six flippingus off. -uh, tink, that looks like avery fun game, but if you could lower this a bit so ican see this area better? -back off. god, why did i agreeto go on this trip?
-vork, do something. -bladezz, stop doing whateverit is you're doing to tink. -hey, it's that family again. still-- still givingus the bird. -i'll have your license,fiend. -dude, how am i driving-ed. hello? -are we there yet? are we there yet?
-clara. don't make me pullthis guild over. -are you watching thatvideo i made you? -oh, my god. you made high school musical? -no. i recorded your kids sayinggood bye to us. it was super cute. -they noticed?
now they're going totell wiggly i left. fudge nuts. -i spy with my zombie eye-- -my fist coming towards yourface if you don't shut the eff up. -come on, tink. everybody loves a car game. ow. ok.
punchbuggied. good one. -come on, you guys. we're going to have so muchfun at this convention. i mean, we're going to playthe game, get to know each other better. right, zaboo? -yeah. midnight munchkin madness.
alliterated. -screw that. let me out. -psychological studies showthat rats housed in uncomfortably close proximitybecome overly aggressive and gnaw each other to death. -we may be close. -codex. what the hell is this?
-oh, it's nothing. really. -what? what are you guystalking about? i want to be involvedin everything that you're talking about. -conference in the south wing. now. that better be a suicide note.
-i was just-- i don't know. what do you think about it? him and me? -you've gone from hotstud guy to kilted guild leader to zaboo? your relationship patchingsystem is seriously going in the wrong direction. -he is not a downgrade.
i mean, look at him. what-- what's wrong with him? -ooh, ooh, ooh. the license plate game. the winner gets a lessonfrom me in fortran. [belching] -and it's going to smelllike burrito. so.
-maybe i just want someone who'snice to me for a change. and warlock, priest combois killer, right? -middle earth to codex. that's not real life. -well, maybe it can be. does it hurt to try? -yes. -but you knew the conventionwas happening sometime this year-ish.
why are you actingso surprised? -you can't mess withkevinator. the dude hooked us all upwith rooms and tickets. i'm a special guest, remember? with air quotes. -that little bastard deprivedme of my hard-earned, capitalist funded guild hall. i intend to report him to theheads of the game [inaudible]. -before this car stops, i wantto play the license plate
game. -oh, boy. [honking] [screaming] [crashes] -polo-shirt-clad woman, we'rehere for the festivities. -please let us out. -welcome to themegagame-o-ramacon. we're only taking registrationtonight.
the convention openstomorrow, but-- -excuse me. hey. vork, tell her you'rechauffeuring a special guest. -i think she got that. -oh, wow. a special guest? are you kidding? follow me.
-yep. already loving this. -(panting) i am officiallyauthorizing the use of this parking-- ok, breathe. hi. we are so honored to have youattend our convention. -ahem. excuse me, hi. i'm the special guest.
what kind of vip treatmentis this? i'm sorry. did i just insult you? -oh, hey-- hey, hey, hey, no. calm down. it's ok. you can't know everyone,right? -oh, excuse me. i'm not just everyone.
i'm the cheesy pirate kid. i'm a meme. -i'm sorry. i am sure lots of peopleare really excited you're attending. i mean, not that i'm not. -whoa. i think we found someone moreneurotic than you, codex. -uh, yeah.
i told you this wouldbe a great weekend. -wow. are you having spasmsor something? because your faceis twitching. -ok, look. we have rooms and badges underthe name finn smulders, ok? i don't want stalkers showingup to my door offering me their bodies unless they'redouble d certified, got it? -i have you herefor six badges.
but as for rooms, we don'tprovide those to guests. -ok. kevinator told me that he'd hookme and my guildies all -so you just assumed everythingwas taken care of under the classification,hook up? -that's how the leets speak. -so we don't have anyrooms at all? -we're homeless. i knew this would happen.
mama. -yo. step. oh, it's cheesy internetpirate dude. -you rock, cheesy. -arr. -ok, see? do you really want to deprivethe convention of that? ok, ok, ok.
let me see what i can do. -all right. -one room. everything else intown was taken. -sweet. -floor bed. let's check out the view. -first person to flatulatesleeps in the hall. -never trust an ego-maniacalteenager to plan anything.
we arrived atmegagame-o-ramacon. no free rooms and all thehotels were sold out. fun twist. the convention worker, rachel,stopped hyperventilating long enough to discover that anotherspecial guest, don lufgren's stunt double'sassistant from beef soldier iv canceled last minute. so she snagged hisroom for us. one room, six people.
unbelievable. -i'm totally takingthe floor bed. -i networked all ourcomputers together. i thought we could raid, soothsome tempers, maybe grab a little chat time with zaboo. but-- -die in your sleep, bladezz. -what the hell? that's the last time.
-tomorrow we'll lookback and laugh. if we survive the night. [snoring] [gasping] -guildies rise. strategy meeting at 8:00. i will seek sustenance. -coffee table. not comfortable.
no sleep. convention time? -it was so sweet of zaboo to getthese t-shirts made with our guild crest onthem, right? he's so great, isn't he? -yeah, like we need moret-shirts, but sure. ugh. i hate my morning face. -i'm going to tell him ilike him this weekend.
-do you think i need a face liftafter the baby's born? [gasps] can they do both operationsat once? -clara, did you not hear me? i said that i'm going to goafter zaboo in a romantic way. why didn't you say anything? do it now. worst idea ever. -if you think it's a bad idea,why are you so happy about it?
-well, because he'lljump all over it. you'll get togetherfor, like, a week. and then it'll go so wrongyou'll have to end it. but he won't take nofor an answer. you'll have to changeyour name, move. he'll be so devastated i'll haveto talk him off the ledge of a high rise. i'll be in the paper as asuicide whisperer, get invited on ellen, we'll dance.
-clara, i need realadvice here. -ok, all right. are you hot for him? -enough. -enough? oh, wrong answer. -this is some juicy lady talki've showered into. -ugh. -ew.
gross, bladezz. cover that up. my opinion. he'll take you, used and all. but a guy's not going to pass onanything with a lady hole. oh, uh, can you pass me mymousse, my cologne, spray, vanishing cream, babyoil, and rosewater? -uh, what? -forget i said anything.
-never. -no way. i think i need pirateeyeliner. oh, just a titch. -my turn. -rude. i love you. -breakfast is served. -is that seat taken?
-nope. -ah, thanks for thebreakfast, vork. -the food was gratis thanksto my ingenuity. up and down the hallway, peopleleft vast quantities of food right outsidetheir rooms. look at the breadth of bountyi've scavenged. never say i do not providefor my tribe. -uh, i don't know aboutused food, dude. -reminder, this roomis not free.
in order to make it through thishorrendous, cash-strapped weekend, we must employwhat i'm coining, an emergency cds strategy. -can't digest sausage? -curry diarrhea soup. -uh, koala's drunken-- -conserve, divide, scavenge. we must pool our efforts,physical and mental, in order to survive.
-ok, so pick up all shotgunshells and first aid packs we come across. and if one of us falls behind,leave them to save yourself. -let's just eat what's in ourlittle kitchenette, you guys. snacks are yummy. -clara, don't eat fromthe mini-bar. that goes on our room tab. -they're not free? -anything but.
-my fetus made me do it. -you guys, don't even worryabout it, all right? i got this covered. once i hook up with kevinator,we're going to smooth it all out vip style. -the kevinator is a scourgeof the gaming earth. if it turns out there isno presence of the game whatsoever here, i wouldnot be phased. i would prepare a lawsuitand hate crime charges.
-no worries, dude. the game is right here. booth 451. oh man, this conventionis amazing. they schedule something everyhour for three days straight. -that's so exciting. what are we goingto do together? -um, yeah. your hair is kind ofobscuring sunday.
thanks, codex. -well, we should spenda lot of time in our game's booth, right? guild bonding and all,right zaboo? -they have a whole seminaron the physics of krull. -how am i going todo all this? glaved. -i don't know about you guys,but i have one more weekend until i get all hugeand bloated with
this new baby bump. i'm going to have asmuch fun as federal warning labels allow. -are you still eatingfrom the mini-bar? -aw, nuts. i forgot again. nuts. [door close] -let's go.
-and who are yousupposed to be? little bo peep on x? -i am an anime character youwouldn't be aware of because you 're an idiot. -what about this being acontemptible nerd fest? -i grew up in thisstupid town. i don't want any losers from mypast spotting me , wanting to catch up. better to go incognito.
-agh. according to the schedule,i've missed the first ten minutes of star warsand macrame. -that sounds awesome. let's all go. -negative. macrame is the devil'shandicraft. -making things? gross.
that's like working. and working is unfunto the max. -we're not here tohave fun, clara. we have 500 tees to offloadon spend-happy nerds. -is that why youbrought those? businessing? let's do that tomorrow. -are you kidding? -ok, fine.
you guys don't want to expandyour geek mind, i'll go solo. han soloed. -well, no. i mean, i'll totallygo with you. wait. -outie 5000. -n-- n-- n-- no-- no wait. i need the guild to be myentourage to be a buffer from fans and keep me from gettingmobbed by podcasters.
-i'm going to find an artistto draw my head on the body of a unicorn. claracorn. -oh, fine. everyone goes theirseparate ways. no one's spent any time togetherour first official outing as a guild. -i don't need your sanction, butyou've accurately stated the actuality.
aloha. -i didn't mean it. -i cannot believe thatmy guildies jetted off, leaving me. oh, and zaboo, how moreobvious could i be? my vagina was practicallyin my hand. we need more towels, please. what am i supposed to do? go downstairs alone?
i've seen wildlife specials. cheetahs always go aftersolo stragglers first. whatever. i'm going to go down there andexplore the things that i'm interested in. like-- what are those things? what do i like? the game has a boothdown there, right?
oh, can i have some more ofthose little shampoos? oh, packet. that's convenient. -oh, uh. excuse me, do youknow where the-- hi, i'm looking for booth 451. excuse me, maybe. -where do i go, please? -look, i've told you threetimes already.
one per person. -i've never been here before. -you're weird enough lookingto where i remember you-- again and again. -it's not for me. it's for, uh, my son. here, uh, timmy-- habi-- t--
isis-- boy. there you are. my son. ask the nice man for your hat. he's shy and has severalattention deficit disorders. -grayson, why'd youget out of line? -grayson? seriously?
-robin's real life name frombatman comics before bruce's son damian assumed the role? previously known as nightwing,now known as batman. -ok, we don't have time to go tothe end of the line again. so you can just forget aboutgetting darth vader's autograph, ok? -he's giving away autographs? $20 each in the autographarea. -people foolishly paycelebrities to sign items for
them? -they also take pictureswith you. -pray you become an orphan. bruce wayne would never be sofiscally irresponsible. -vork, hey. come with me to thegame booth? -absolutely. -i was able to obtain 15 complementary human-sized bags.
if bladezz can't get the roomfree, we're now able to manufacture a tent city toavoid hotel expenses. -oh, good idea. how would you like me to visityour house more often? -i'm going to choose optionb, not visit at all. -it's just i might be seeingzaboo a lot if things go how i'm planning. -ah, you intend to fling yourfemininity at him in a copulatory manner.
tread carefully. letting biology rule isa dangerous thing. -biology is not ruling me. what i think i feel forhim is real emotion. -codex, codex, you're a womanreaching the end of her fertile cycle. this desperate biologicalimperative is driving you to seek a genomic legacy,nothing more. -that is ridiculous.
haven't you ever been in love? it's more than just genome. love is nothing more thanbastardized biology. have you not seen marchof the penguins? i don't care what youor anybody else in the guild says. zaboo is most probablycertainly almost the man for me. maybe.
-crit, crit. lightning bolt, lightningbolt. ok, let's ride into battle. everybody get on your mount. and let's ride into battle,we're riding into battle. we're riding into battle. -oh, hey dudes. havingmy workout. calisthenics. -hey, mister.
you better start payingattention to the workout. -sorry. -you were saying? now we're going to kill allthese orcs with a fireball. i'm looking for kevinator. his pirate awaits. argh. -argh. sorry, buddy.
kevin got fired. messed with too manyguildhalls. so the player complaintstook him down. -but the dude was goingto hook me up. -was he now? you know, he says that toa lot of guys like you. hey, floyd. -we've got another kevinatorjoke invite. -hey, the pirate kid.
hey, go. say it. say the line. -taste my pirate patty. -that's pretty cool. -the big boss over there reallyloves internet memes. he's been down lately. so i guess kevin wantedto cheer him up. and i'm folding shirtsand stuff.
-ok, so wait. um. do you still want meto sign stuff and pose with people and-- you can pay for my hotelroom, right? -pardon. who am i serenading? -oh, do you know the doublerainbow song? [singing]
-let's do it. -let's do it, man. that came from the heart. -t-shirts. $20. baby with a gun. what's not to love? buy something first. -hello.
remember me? -barely. do you have a permitto sell those? -why? -i'm sorry, but you have tohave a booth or a table to sell things. it's rules and all. -i'm a girl. rules in geekville don'tapply to us, right?
i'm going to have to askyou to, um, pack up. -make me, squirrel. -storm troopers? -free photo. free photo. you? thank you. very good. come on.
completely free. yours-- can i sign your face? -why aren't you inthe game booth? aren't you a special guest? -stupid kevinatorscrewed me over. i'm nothing but a punchlinefor him. and get this. he was fired beforethe convention.
so i can't even yellat him now. -someone drank my sweet juiceglass of justice? they must rehire him so ican have him refired. i demand it. -i can't believe they-- ooh, free [inaudible]. -i will sign this foryou totally free. -bladezz, you have no appeal toanyone with your signature or your picture.
your currency is being a fooland you're worth less than $1. -but i said i would take careof the room situation. how am i going to pay? -create value wherethere is none. something mrs. zabootaught me. bladezz, go upstairs andretrieve your laptop. does your phone do video? et cetera, et cetera,et cetera. i just had a dozendollars idea.
where are you going? -i'm leaving. this whole stupidbeing pregnant thing is the anti-fun. they won't let me do theconvention zip line. breakfast martinisare totally out. and five people have askedme, when is the baby due? this place is awful. -so what?
you're going to walk home? -well, i didn't thinkit through that far. -forget fun. help me offload these tees. gotta find a booth thatwill let us sell them using their permit. when you wipe, getback up again. -i guess. fun me wanted, though.
sad. -and when you pop that kid outof the dutch oven, we could do a girls' weekend away. agree now. i'm not offering more. -ok, sounds great. you're like my sister fromanother brother-in-law. -huh? -i love you.
-whatever. -give me a hug. -sorry, panel's full. -but-- but i've got to bea part of this. i mean, interpreting middleearth topography with vegetable parts. i was going to makebroccoli ents. -most panels, you're going towait in line for an hour,
sometimes two. saw a guy do six in '98. -yeah, but-- but maybe i canjust stand in the back or something? -can't. -can you just keep the dooropen, and i'll watch it from here? -whole point of the doorsis that they shut. -i just came from themmo workout, ok?
i just-- how can you do bothpanels at once? it's ridiculous. -socks and sandals. dtp, buddy. -i do not know what dtp means. -defeats the purpose. it's like wearing a t-shirtunder a bikini. all right.
-there's a lot of things thatyou can improve on. must have it all. yeah, i'm talking to myself. stop looking at me. -how's the demo? great changes, huh? they nerfed rising feys. are they smoking crack crazy? -well, a lot of us worked reallyhard to get this demo
ready for the con. i haven't slept in a week,personally, getting it ready for everybody to enjoy. -well, these changesare moronic. i mean, they get rid of gleamingcross but keep aurora's vale. -well, you know, the creatoroversaw these changes personally. -without gleaming cross, thesewarlocks are going to eat our
lunch at pvp. they throw out thisnew demon's voice ability, boom, one shot. the creator needsa reality check. -seriously? i mean, hundreds of us work for,like, millions of hours to get this ready for the con. and then you-- you spend twominutes on it, and you start to tear it apart.
do you ever think before youtype stuff and criticize or say things? i can't believe i'm gettingtrolled to my own face. why don't you createan imaginary world? it'd probably be likefresno or something. screw this. i need a kale smoothie. you just tore a new a-hole intofloyd petrowski, creator of our game.
bravo. [slow clap] -time warp spell,work, please. -good thing i only had two bitesof pre-owned frittata this morning. i can't believe i insultedfloyd petrowski. to gamers, he is the itzhakperlman of violinists, the oprah of middle-aged women,the whoever of surfing and, or golf.
floyd petrowski inventedthe mmo in his dad's basement at 16. he is the guru epicdrop of rpgs. and i'll called his ideasmoronic to his face. today, i created the anxietydream that will haunt me for the rest of my life. except my brain willmake it worse. so i'll be insulting him whilenaked falling off a cliff holding a dead kitten.
oh, [ugh] frittata. -can the pirate put me in aheadlock with a pro wrestling background and say, to theplank with ye, matey? -five extra liability dollars. roll up, buddy. let's do this. what's your name? -[inaudible].
-all right, let's go. to the plank with ye, matey. arr. -who is that kid? -some internet pirate. this viral video stuff'sjust a fad. thank you so much. take care. great.
-that was great man. have a good time. money well spent. oh, well, lookie who it is. are you in the wrongspecial guest line? because i believe the fifthvampire corpse from twilight is in the opposite corner, yo. -i finally caught up onyour body of work. blown away.
how did you inventthis character? what inspired you? how could i have missedyour genius? -ok, well, now you're askingthe right questions. well. when i was four-- -bladezz. next fan wants you to swim withhim in the underwater kingdom of the snorks.
uh, rachel is it? that's right. how about you and your homiesmeet this pirate in the lobby tonight. we'll catch a sodaand discuss my-- process? -we have a raid tonight. fornicate at a later date. -tomorrow?
lobby, 7:00, tomorrow, squeal! bladezz got groupies. -oh, and then i said, creatorguy needs a reality check to the creator. and then it's just-- [sighs] these cookies are really good. thanks. -don't thanks me.
thanks my genre recipes class. those cookies from episodeseven, season three of battlestar. they got frackadamia nuts. -well, thanks forrushing over. -i'm glad i caughtyour message. i had to switch to a grouptexting app just to keep up. modern living. -why are you popular?
who's texting you? -like, everyone atthe convention. you know how you can't get intoany panels because the lines are so long? but you can save a seat. so i started pooling people'snumbers, and i created a network of fans who save eachother's seat for them. all you got to do is snag anextra seat and text the network and then boom.
and the guy at the otherend is like, oh hey. my friend says there's a seatin row x. no waiting. i call it seat savers, the buddysystem for making new friendships and watching yourfavorite panels, organization inc. -wow, that's awesome. i mean, the name reallydoesn't work. -right. -but cool concept.
-it's a good thing you're inmy favorites, because your message went right to the top. it's pretty cool. -i'm in your favorites? wow. -yeah, obviest. well, next panel starts in ten. gotta fly. -wait.
together. -you want to go to hot girlsfrom other worlds? -no, no. i mean, um, uh, i-- i think i like you in ayou know kind of way. skank badger. -aren't you a little shortfor a slave leia? -mine's homemade. -i love booth hopping.
and everyone takescharge cards. -you spent more money on thesebracelets than we'll ever earn on these t-shirts. and still, no one will helpus sell our stuff. showing all this skinfor nothing. -well, it really doesn't makesense for these vendors to cut in a middle man, tink. narrow profit margin barelycovers their booth rental and travel costs.
so they'd have to charge 90%percent of our wholesale to justify a partnership. shiny. you sounded smartfor a minute. -ok, i'm felling a littlelightheaded. why now? what-- what changed? -why do people keepasking that? do i need a reason?
i mean, do people analyzehow magnets work? in physics class. like, all the time. -well, that's just stupid. i mean, sometimes you just haveto go with things and not think about them. just really go-- -do you like sports games? -sports games?
like, no. ew. -say you got a free one, andit's just sitting there. and, like, you're super bored. -i mean, i guessi might try it. -but you'd probably hate it. and now it's used, and theresale value is totally blown. think about how thegame might feel. -well, i mean, the economicsare pretty clear.
but i don't thinka game feels-- oh, this is an analogy. -look. i worked really hard tobecome your friend. and now that i knowyou, i like you-- as a friend. but when i meet that specialsomeone, i want lightning to strike on both ends. -yeah, but are you sure nothingis striking here?
-um, is it a crit for you? or is it just a chain lightningspell that does zero damage because of your emotionalresist armor? -i guess your stats are right. let's not let itbe awkward, ok? -too late. -you've already gutted thecreator of our game. -and oh, there hegoes right now. stab me in the heart.
dead kittens, dead kittens,dead kittens. -go. talk to him. i mean, apologize to his face. no. but then he'll reject melike you just did. and then i want to vomit. and then-- can you come with me?
-i can't. duty calls. you know, for the seat savers. the buddy system for makingnew friendships-- see you later. bye. go get him. -what is this strange stuff? i've never seen anythinglike it.
-if you don't know, you shouldprobably move on. -it's steampunk, the eurotrashof nerd-dom. -oh, princess leia. how original. -can we sell our shirtsat your booth? we're desperate. whatever cut you want,you can have. -clara, where did thesmart words go? -i'm sorry, but do thoselook like they
match our color palette? -i don't know what that means. -the answer is no. -would you like to purchasesomething? if not, kindly clearthe aisle. -but i want to know what thosegoggle things are. -they're called goggles. -neat. do you guys have baby clothes?
-a gas mask, perhaps. -come on, clara. let's go. -oh, but i want to know moreabout the clocky windy stuff. -that's not going to help. oh my god. emergency bail alert. -uh, pardon. -you know, i really tried to getexcited about this demo,
but no one is responding. the fans think the changesare moronic. maybe they're right. we could-- we could take a newangle on the force powers. we could tweak theparty mechanics. -do you know that soundgardenis now an oldies band? -no matter what you do you'regoing to be dogged for it. cash out, man. move on.
don't worry about your baby. rtx promise. you know what. maybe it's time. huzzah. to the kingdom. draw up the paperwork. woo. wait a second.
did he just say he's goingto sell our game? eavestrapolation. floyd is going tosell our game. that guy he was with, hisname was chet grunwald. i clocked his badge. yes, i used the word clocked. i've been watching a lot ofdetective shows lately. anyway, i looked him up, and heworks for rtx, the endgame big bad of corporate gaming.
rtx takes indie games, and itsucks them up, and it spits them out, with marketingand glossy graphics. and they put the characterson fast food cups. and just ew. and floyd looks so downand depressed. and i'm sure he wasreferring to me with that morons comment. man, i'm such a perp. -hey, codex.
you and zaboo do it yet? -omg. did you? did you do it here? what about on the table? -i don't want totalk about it. oh, yeah. there's that too. -i'm not being histrionic.
draw up the paperwork? what else could that mean? strength buff. -in a daytime court of law, idon't think speculation of this sort would be admissibleevidence. take down the orcs, clara. use frost. -well, they could have beentalking about anything. like, maybe he ordered abride from the baltics.
popsicle baddies incoming. pew, pew. -no, it was definitelybusinessy. the suit guy, heworks for rtx. he stood out at the con likedarth vader at a baby shower. bladezz, you're drawing aggro. shielding. -who cares if hesells the game? it's been around five years.
no one's going toscrew with it. steady shot on the shaman. crap. down. -yeah, and big companiesare fine. what harm have they ever doneexcept for being big? i'm down. -a more ignorant statementi've never heard. remind me to lend youatlas shrugged.
codex, heels. -what if they shutdown the game? guys, we just wiped. it's like you don't even care. zaboo. -all right, all right. master chiefs, we'll reconveneat 2100 hours. -what's the deal withyour helmet friends? did they bring snacks?
-nah. my seat savers organization hasgotten so big that i've had to recruit helpjust to run it. i found those guys sneakingan old lady into a malcolm mcdowell look alike contest. good peeps. -are you forming a cabal? that interests me. but i did rework my scheduleso i could fit in 48
screenings and panelsjust this weekend. just got to stay upto do it all. first up, fable. tickle your way intothe monarchy. so where are we? gailstone gulch? let's do this, i'vegot 14 minutes. -14 minutes? we have another hour to raid.
-i'm overbooked this weekend. that's why i got the masterchief assistants. -i cannot believe you. the guild is more importantthan your stupid butt warmer group. are you trying totear us apart? -over-dramaticked. -see, codex? why would you be into him?
-they just need todo it already. i'll watch. -wait, you told themabout our thing? -everyone. -she's quasi-semi-partially-attracted to you. it's a genetic fool's errand. -are you guys goingto have babies? it's just we--
i don't want to talk about it. -we agreed it wasn'tgoing to work. dead ended. -so you guys kissed tomake sure it was ok? well, there's only oneway to find out. you got to download thedemo to make sure. -no, clara. this does not feel right. i just don't--
-at least she didn't throwus into a closet. that would have beena weird analogy. yeah. -hey. -ok, so we're here. -uh, well, maybe we don'thave to do this at all. you know, we can justkind of pretend-- i think we should try it out. i mean, definitively decideone way or another.
right? -cool. i'm game. -maybe-- maybe we shoulddo, like, a countdown. -three, two-- -one, two-- we're going to go from-- all right, here we go. three.
-two. -one. -um -it's not good. -i'm going to stopkissing you now. -please do. -it was-- -i mean, it wasn't horrible. it just was--
-it just was like cardboarda little bit. -yeah, it wasn't-- i-- friends. -we're friends. -done. -so that's it, right? -hey, remember that time we gotshoved into the bathroom. and then we totally startedmaking out, like, hardcore?
and it was-- too sooned? -too sooned. -so it didn't work out. zaboo and i are definitelynot compatible. i mean, it was super-- hello? -what are you guys looking at? -oh, vork here talkedus into the fancy
celebrity autograph area. currently watching thefruits of our labor. oh, this crap's paying for yourroom rental, by the way. -people actually payyou to sign stuff? -better. check this out. we're fighting. agh. i'm being pistol whipped.
you're so strong. we're on the moon, man. oh, you're friendly. -for a small fee, cheesy piratekid will debase himself in a video of your whim. -meme on demand atyour service. -you're whoring yourselfout for money. -hey if the name fits,i'll wear it. -guys, we've got to figure outwhat's going with the game.
does anyone want to take timeout of their busy schedule tomorrow and adventure gamethis out with me? -i'll go with you, codex. i have to go pick up those boxesof shirts clara and i left at that snotty steampunkbooth too. -oh, no, no. let me get the shirts. i want to help withour business. -you just want to go stare atthat clockwork stuff again.
-i know. you guys, so there's this newthing that i'm totally into. there's clock pieces and brownand shiny bits and top hats and corsets. it's, like, my newfavorite thing. i'm going to go to the booth,get our shirts, and me and the pretty girl are going tobecome best friends. -that's great. -awesome.
-oh, that's reallyinteresting. -how can you guys becalm about this? i mean, we're talking aboutour game's existence. what else do i have? i mean, i'm unemployed. clearly, my personallife is a disaster. and i just-- i don't understand-- [interposing voices]
-did you guys kiss already? i forgot to notice. -guys, the game stuffcan wait, ok? this con is basically theepitome of living life. must stay up. ginsenged. [ugh] oh, hey. anybody want to go toa superhero party
with me for 36 minutes? one of the bouncers is onmy seat savers list. -ooh, yeah. party. -hell, yeah. -oh, bladezz, please don't go. absolutely not. -i'm not going to go just towatch you guys having raving and boozing and all nightpill popping fun.
i'm going to stay hereand eat room snacks. -no you will not. -we cannot party. the very fabric of our-- social assistanceis threatened. i mean, come on. [rap music] -i can't believethey carded me. don't they know who i am?
-dude, i gotta go to, like,10 more parties tonight. i'm so exhausted. i need an energy drink. that's the stuff. master chiefs, clear a path. -oh, hey, tink. -drunk isn't helping me. my life is just reallyempty, you know? i mean, what am i gonnado without the game?
loneliness. -codex, you take everythingso seriously. i mean, just-- uh, pretend to kiss me. -pretend, you perv. -what-- what are youhiding from? oh, the pretty girls? i really like your eyelashes. -yeah, ok, yes.
the blonde chicks. can't let them see me. -they're my sisters. -what the heck happenedlast night? my eyes are super puffyunderneath. probably from the drinkingand crying combo. i vaguely remember tink's facebeing, like, this close to me. super smooth skin. and then, i think--
well that can't be right. i am so confused. bottom line, this trip is givingme perspective, but it is not the good kind. i have no idea howto steer my life. i keep grasping for things thatare not good for me, like fawkes and zaboo and the gameand-- why am i so out of control right now? why can i just be normal?
and why are tink'ssisters white? what's up with that? [player piano music] -hey, hey. -yes? you guys look so amazingtogether. oy. spot of tea with you, mateys? -you'll notice the rope.
we are having tea. please return later. -oh, but tink and i left ourt-shirts here yesterday. -oh, yes. gerald. -alina. -be a love. extract her dry goods fromunder the sideboard. i quarantined them because thesynthetic fabric choice was
absolutely ghastly. -quite right. -you know, to be honest, i wouldhave come back anyways. i think your booth isjust the coolest. how can i join your club? -called it a club, did she? cheeky. -we are not a club, dear. we are aficionados ofthe steampunk genre.
-oh, well, whatever it is,i want to be a member. -steampunk is nota whim, girl. it's a way of life. -it is a vast wardrobecommitment. -oh, i have commitment. i'll buy whatever. the husband never sees thecredit card statements. i have the kids hide them. it's a game.
look, i had a crummy timeuntil you guys got here. it would just make my con. pretty, pretty please? -you're giving me ennui. -uh, the bathroom's that way. -oh, you're so strong. come here. let me just-- let me justget this for you. you're so cute.
-my thanks. -lisette. -gerald. -we could use a fourth forthe costume contest. losing pete to that steampowered pogo stick incident was bad luck all around. -that is no pete. -our reputation mustbe maintained. as costume champions for twoyears straight, we have
standards to uphold. to train her in buta day's time. -can you-- wear a corset? -uh, well, it may squeeze mybaby's head into a weird shape, but it'll pop back. sure. sew me up. tell hackysack45 that there areno openings available in
vampire anatomy panel. but we can get him a slot inkevin smith on kevin smith, hosted by kevin smithat 3:00 pm. oh, and put out an all pointsfor global warming on thundera, an inconvenienttruth. we need a seat there. one of our elite members isoffering a handshake with jewel stait in exchange. probably could upgrade that toa hug if necessary, but let's
keep that as negotiatingcapital. all right? thank you non-strangermaid marian. i've got a seat for you inscience of the supernaturals right after this. -thank thee. -i've been up for 48hours straight. and yet the methodis still holding. uh, dude.
that's my seat, so-- -i'm sitting in it. -right, but she wassaving it for me. -i waited in line. it's legit. it's mine. -move now. -make me. -boss, don't let him breakthe seat savers.
-indeed. master chiefs, lenda gauntlet. oh, look at that. rubber girl, firstedition, eh? -handle that gently. -they won't. -all right, fine. i'm leaving. pox on you.
-i already got chicken pox once,so i can't get it again. -you are so creepy. so did you, you know-- -i warned you upstairs. don't bring last night up. -i was going to askyou, did you make your costume yourself? someone was sellinga replica of me. total coincidence.
-well, it looks nice. about last night-- -i told you. don't bring it up. -i just want to know, becausei don't really remember what happened. i mean, was thereskin to skin? -cheek skin, yes. lip skin, no.
-ok, good. i mean, angelina jolieis one of my five. you know, people you can havesex with even if you're in a relationship. but i consider herthe exception. i don't really-- why are your sisters white? -you can't help yourself,can you? how about you go and dosomething interesting with
your own life so that we'dbe remotely interested in snooping in your business? -if i could do that, it would beon the agenda, believe me. -so we're shooting acommercial, and she just wants a line. and some people ask me, whatis a pirate patty? -fine. -and, you know-- -bladezz, there's anotherindividual claiming to be
somebody who wants to cut inline and speak to you. and he won't pay for a video. -hi. -holy crap. vork, do you know who this is? ok, i'm blown away. i mean, how did you inventyour character? how could i miss your genius? -calm down.
i'm just a guy doing the samething you're doing. -hm. with half the business. -that's-- so i am really impressedwith your operation. -well, yeah. i mean the whole video thing. it was mostly vork's idea. but i bring the artistry.
so it's this killer combo. -yeah? well it works. it's great. bork is it? is there a story behindthat name? -not for you. -so i was wondering ifmaybe i could take you guys out to lunch.
you know, just talk a littleinternet strategy. i really want to get in on themind of today's youth. or the-- mean lex luthor behindthat youth. -lunch? with you? oh my god. that would be-- -untenable.
we have a full schedule. now move along. we have paying customerswaiting. -all righty, then. -took out the whirling bladesfrom the play test because it was ineffectual againstthe warlocks. -hi, floyd. yes, i know who you are now. um, i just wanted to apologizefor what i said yesterday.
it was rude, and itwas mortifying. well, for me actually. -you know what? it's fine. you were right. we're going to put the gleamingcross back in. it's going to be in thenext play test. -oh. -so.
-well, that's great. are you really goingto sell the game? -hey, come on. this way. look, i can tell from yoursnarky attitude that you probably play my game a lot. -that would be accurate. and that's why i'mbegging you. please, don't sell.
-my doctor says my cholesterolis so high that my veins are, like, gummy worm solid. i gotta change my lifestyle,you know? i think it's time for me to cashout, walk away, let them forget about me. you know what i mean? i mean, the game will be fine. it'll be better. they might ruin it.
but i mean, no. they'll be-- it'llbe all right. -what about your fans? i mean this game-- this game is my life. -it's not real. you're right. tink is right too. i need to get a life.
you're gonna quit? maybe it's time forme to quit too. -aw, y-- you were right aboutthe gleaming cross. that's back in. they-- they'll probablytake that out, though. -vork. that's, like, thefifth celebrity you've blown off today.
i want to hang out withthem to say that i hung out with them. stop driving them away. -bladezz, fame is notsomething to-- to court or aspire to. it creates a modernday class system. these people live in a worldof false perfection, create images that everybody wantsand no one can attain. i can't think of anythingadmirable about someone like
an actor, who-- who getsbussed to work, given lines to parrot. i mean, their everywhim catered-- [dreamy harp music] -charity maddox fromtime rings. sweet j-- j-- jehoshaphat. -big decisions.
big life decisions. the past few years-- well, you've heard me whine. you know they haven'tbeen great. finding the game and the guildwas a lifesaver for me. it was a safe place where ididn't feel like collapsing all the time. but lately, i just-- i've been drifting.
and-- if i quit the game,will the guildies be my friends anymore? was floyd right? were they even realto begin with? without codex, who am i? that's what i haveto find out. i hate being an adult. i'm hungry.
i might order room service. why is room serviceso expensive? too many people are mistakingme for the asian girl from-- any show. gonna change. i'll be out of here quick. what next? i made all these myself. -pretty good for a pre-medmajor, right?
-i'm not pre-med anymore. i've been getting a costumedesign degree for the last five semesters. but catch. my parents have been payingfor a pre-med degree for two years. they have no idea iswitched majors. -why don't you tell them? -i'm adopted.
i can't be the screw up. that's like a bad indie film. -oh, you're adopted. that's why you havewhite sisters. not that there were a lotof other options. -they were so excited that iwas going to be a doctor. i don't want to disappoint. so every time i get a textmessage asking, does this mole look cancerous, dear?
i have to press theignore button. that's why i was avoiding laraand tara last night. check out my gaga. -glamorous. lara and tara? twins that rhyme? ridiculous. -oh, nice chun lee. -you should tell them.
i mean, hard decisionsare hard to decide. but they make you feelbetter after. kind of. i've been basically stealingfrom them. no thanks. lying and avoidance is better. i didn't mean to tell youto get a life earlier. -no, no,. i need to live lifeless sadly.
i just don't knowwhat that is. -uh, hey, vork. buddy, you're filmingthe wrong thing. magic's happening here. dude, your gaze-on formiss milf over there is hard as a coconut. -madeline twain was and is agoddess of the small screen. she played the intrepidassistant, charity maddox, to chuck boswell's professor in theseminal sci-fi adventure
series, time rings,1992 to 1997. -so before even my mom's time. -i was the head of her mailorder fan club, which consumed my early 20s. then she betrayedus all and quit. her departure was so abruptthey couldn't compensate, canon-wise. her character, charity, wassimply abandoned in a roman era episode, never to bereferred to again.
time rings was canceledhalf a season after. curse you, madeline twain. -so you hate her. uh, why are you trembling? -she's still so beautiful. -whoa, freeze. freeze, boy. -look, sandman finished14 years ago. these kids have noidea who i am.
the convention's given me thebiggest room in the place. this is going to beembarrassing. your seat savers networkis my only hope. -sure, sure, sure. your stuff's ok if you likeuniversally acclaimed, awesome graphic novels and such. but i don't know. you know, a few million twitterfollowers is not going to get megagame-o-ramaconexcited about a writer.
sandman zero is comingout next year. i'll get you a signed set. personally signed to you. -to exploit the network? for a panel? got to run. so much to do. so much to see. so many things goingon, you know.
-i'll put you in the comic. -cover. and give me muscles. -it's not that kindof a comic. -make it that kind of comic. maybe, like, special thanksor something? -yeah, we can do that. -2:00 pm tomorrow? room 5a?
-2:00 pm tomorrow. room 5a. -i'll alert the network. just this once. -look, i'm-- i'm really grateful. -it's a new convention,comic man. and the seat savers rule it. spread the word.
[inaudible]. -d-- don't do that. -sorry, neil gaiman. -hey, sexy. my handler would loveto meet you. we're the guys in thepopular corner. bladezz. stupid pirate. -oh, you boys are so busy.
i mean, the enthusiasm ofthe fans is admirable. one can't help but missbeing that popular. -oh, well, it's not that hard. and you know what? i think vork could hookyou up in return for a little face time. if you know whati mean, chicky. [braying] -hey, madeline.
good to see you again. -hi, -hey, guys. tell me how this twitterthing works, and how is it good for me? -can i get a photo withyou for myface? my gay aunt will flip. -myface? know what that is.
met a woman on there once. definitely not your aunt. could be. uh, why don't you guys comehang with us tonight? -um, did you mean us, like otherfaces i recognize, and hang out like talkingand coolness? -uh huh. i would love to learn about thisnew technology frontier. and you guys are the experts.
-vork won't go. he's not impressed bythe puppet people. no offense, guys. -oh, madeline there. be together. same room. lady, oh, oh, oh, ahhh-- -uh, might be a yes. -sounds great.
-suite 304 at the westinacross the street. 7:00 pm. well, um, let's go backto work, then. get you wiped off. and we'll see youguys tonight. -dit, dit, dit, dit, dit, dit. sounds like a woodpecker. i said wood. and pecker.
-no talent there. -and she cannot mix a properlaudanum either. disastrous. -and her chloroform,ineffective. -no response on theouija board. and because of the pregnancy,opium and absinthe sicken are out. -'tis a right shame. but you are absolutelyunqualified in any of the
poseur fields. won't do for a costumecontest. simply will not do. we must create a respectablemise en scene. understand? -um, how difficult can it be? get a costume. act all snooty. done and done.
-are you trying to undermineour faith? steampunk is a uniquelook and lifestyle. and it-- -alina, your stays. your stays. -steampunk is steampunk,describable only by the word itself. -thank you, darling. i owe you a tonic at dinner.
i'm sorry, dear. though your efforts areadmirable, if you don't get it, you simply can'tbe a part of it. -like i was saying, i've beendisillusioned about the game and the guild. but your confiding in meupstairs, it really meant a lot as a friend. so i wanted do somethingfor you, not about me. walking greeting card much?
-april lou. -we're so excited to see you. -look at you, aspretty as ever. -april lou? -i take it back. you're not ok. you are dead. [laughing] -tink's name is april lou?
that was super weird to hear. so what spurred me to be arascally meddler and invite tink's family, who i justdiscovered the existence of, to a buffet-styleintervention? this weekend has been crisisafter crisis for me. the guild scattered, thegame threatened. my first impulse wasto just abandon everything and run away. but i realized aftertalking to--
april lou that my connectionto my guildies is more than the game. we are friends. and i wanted to reachout humanly to prove to myself that-- wait a second. this was all about me? so much for the profound,feel-good speech part. april lou?
it's stupid. [sounds of punching] -zaboo. oh my gosh, i'm so happyto see someone i know. this has been theworst day ever. -oh, well, that's life. and that's the con. and con is life, andlife is con. con life.
-everyone in the guild washaving fun without me and i was sad. but then i found thosesteampunkers and i was happy. -that's good. that's good, good, good, good. -but i didn't pass their test. and now they don't want me. and i'm sad again. because i really wantto be part of their
whatever-it-is so bad. -i'll never give in. you tell your goons toback off, little man. -all we need is the whole frontrow to your panel, talks with hunky legends. don't make me tell myguys to punch lower. -like that's going to hurt. i'm half god fromthe waist down. -hold up.
what is-- what's going on? -we're just having a friendlylittle negotiation with kevin sorbo for the seat savers. no problem. no big deal. he's just a brawny, elegant,buff bastard. but he'll bleed, just likethe rest of them. won't you, hero?
-oh, no, no, no no. not-- not the fine,chiseled jaw. -unchisel it. -when was the lasttime you slept? -sleep? i don't need sleep. like 50, 100 hours ago. -that's the stuff. -call off your robots.
don't make me get outmy mom voice. master chiefs, pull the plug. -pull the plug, he said. if i had my gauntlets on and my12-pound leather pants that i did all of my own stunts in,and michael hurst, who played my amazing sidekick, iolaus-- oh, he's the best. ---you'd be toast. totally, totally wreckedmy jersey.
i got this at the sundancefilm festival. now you've wrecked it. wrecked it. -keep walking hercules. keep walking. you're coming with me. it's time for bed. hey, back. back.
-let go. i gotta run a [inaudible]. -honey, you've been in town allweekend and didn't call. -oh now, don't nag her. here, have some of myfamous yakisoba. i didn't want her to miss outon her people's heritage. so i just put my own spin onone of their native dishes. it's a little ranch dressingand ham cubes. -mm, ham.
-go on. you love it. -that looks delicious. so tink-- april lou, would you liketo tell edith and john-- [hip hop music playing] -oh, dude. on the list. we made this.
this place is definitelyclass. you know, i bet they do nothave any floor beds. -bladezz, be cool, man. be cool. charity. -madeline. -of course. -well, fancy seeing you here. -i never expected thosewords to leave your
mouth towards my face. -well, they have. -i hearing that. -uh, ok. i think it's time to findmy rightful place in the hollywood elite. you know, get some famouscelebrity time? ciao. hey, guys.
oh, whoa. hey, man. how you doing? nice movie face. all right, cool. talk to you later, man. oh, my god. no way, you. touchdown, right?
high five. -clara, no. i need to be so manyother places. -my morse code may suck, butwhiny babies i can handle. arms up. -clara, i've beena bad boy here. did so many bad, bad things. -it wasn't your fault. it was the coffee and robotsthat made you do it.
-not robots. master chiefs good, me evil. -oh, there, there. let me sing you a lullabylike i do my kids. (singing) my humps, my humps,my lovely lady lumps. -oh, my empire weighsso heavy on my soul. -oh, we'll make it betterin the morning. -can you sing me anotherlullaby? -sure.
-(singing) whoomp there it is. whoomp there it is. boom shakalaka shakalakashaka boom. gets them every time. boop, boop. -it's good to see you. -yo, dude. look at this junk. i mean, we deserve caviarand crap, right?
these crackers aremy favorite. i buy them in bulk. -nah, get out, dog. i mean, famous peopledon't buy in bulk. -yeah, we do. you want to see mydiscount card? -hey, buddy. so where are you and i headingoff to after the convention? bikini lady-ville?
the club [inaudible] land. maybe-- -actually, i've got a--a leak in my roof. so i gotta go to the depotand get a tarp. and this this sort of-- -hey, sorry. can't hear you overall the lame. what do you guys got in there? pure grain alcohol?
how about you signingme up and we'll get this party started. ahooga. -actually, it's veggie juice. you know, celery, carrots,spirulina. -how is that a party drink? -party for our colons. -and, uh, then we're goingon a charity retreat. it's, um, it's a summitabout homeless youth.
-so that's just another way tosay, going to rehab, right? -um, no. -hey, come on, you two. let's get this party started. ungh, ahh, uh. -i've got a touch of sciatica. -recent breast reduction. -that's us at the doggie park. look at that smile.
this is us in maui. he loves surfing. loves surfing. that's his new collari just got him. -ok, so we're not hot-tubbingwith skanky chicks later? -well, i don't-- i mean, i usually turnin around 9:00. and hot tubs give me eczema. skin condition.
-you people are effing boring. -hey, sweet collar. -gee, thanks. yeah, i just picked it up. -oh, do you do petswithout borders? -seriously! -a buddy of mine in security, hegot us the passes to this-- whatever this is. personally, i don't have any usefor all this experimental
comics and gaming. -devil spawn. -but, uh, lara and tara,they wanted to see the parade of weirdos. what a lot of freaks. well, it's been greatcatching up. -so lara and tara, did you go tohigh school with april lou we were in glee club together. -ooh, april, let's do thatdebarge harmony that we do so
well. -(singing) mi. -time to go, deadwalking, a.k.a. codex. -no, i'd rather stay here andlearn more about you. friend. -real smart mouth on her. lot of sass. always loved that aboutmy little girl.
-once, she slashed theprincipal's tires because he took jello salad off ofthe cafeteria menu. -and once, she firebombed thejanitor's closet because she caught her boyfriend makingout with another girl in there. -i hate you so much. -and once-- for five semesters, i've beenstudying something else. i didn't tell you because--
i didn't. happy, codex? -uh oh. -what are you studying now? -fashion design. -that thing you're wearing,did you design that? -sure is pretty. -it's beautiful. -are you a turtle?
-my baby's an artist. -that's it? no rage? no screaming? not gong to have me arrested? i've been staying up everynight for months dreading this, and you're totallycool with it? -totally cool. -i just have one requirement,honey.
you've got to design lara'swedding dress. -ted proposed to me. -ridiculous. how did i survive childhood? you people are unreal. -oh, she used to always stompoff like that when she was a little girl. that's just more salisburysushi for us. -well, i don't wantto be a burden.
-i insist. i can do a wordpress install,design a scalable logo based on your hellenic profile. you'll have a customblog in a week. -oh, i appreciatethat so much. i really do feel like i havesomething to share. i'll get photos and biosto you by tomorrow. -well, i think vork already hasmost of that stuff, right? i mean you were the head ofher fan club in the 1890s.
-1990s. and yes. your talent is immeasurable. -that is so lovely to hear. when i quit time rings, ilost a lot of support. those were hard times. -your betrayal was monumental,but we can do nothing but move on. -well, i don't think ofit as a betrayal.
it was merely a--a job i quit. -time rings wasn't a job to thefans, it was a religion. when i watched you disembarkthe bravehunt time vessel-- season 2, episode 16-- knowing you would never againgrace the vehicle or the thursday 8:00 pm time slot, isobbed for weeks like a baby. -ok, well, vork, look at thepretty lady's nice hair. -yes, her hair is extraordinary,the color of espresso and rich, belgianchocolate.
in the middle of a season. to abandon your character,charity, at the height of her conflicted feelings aboutthe professor? -ok, i'm off this train wreck. -that story line wasgoing nowhere. i mean, charity was a-- a propfor the writer to hang his sick fantasies-- -sick fantasies? is that what you call "imaginethat," that seminal episode of
television-- season1, episode 14-- that dealt with the issue ofmixed-race couples long before its time? -if you call mixed racean alien gang bang. -the labanza mated in groups. with probes. it was their way. -pardon me, i havefound a headache. -i am entitled to my opinion.
and we haven't finished talkingabout your blog yet. oh, dog gosh. jesus [inaudible]. -so why are you guys famous? oh, hey, madeline. -hey, we've been downstairsfor an hour. -oh, sorry about that, guys. i'm just busy as a bee out uphere hanging out with some people you might recognize.
ha-ha. awesome. you're partying with him? what a playboy, right? -as long as you catchhim before 9:00 pm. -you said you'd hangwith us tonight. can we come in? -oh, invite only [inaudible]. really sorry, but i've kindof got a better deal here.
so i'm going to have to seeyou in line tomorrow. but you look great. i love seeing you guys. big happy fresh faces. ok, bye bye. no wonder celebritieshave reality shows. drama. -i can't sleep. tink hasn't said a word to mesince we met up with her
family earlier. she came in late, wentstraight to bed. or so she's pretending to. i'm too nervous toclose my eyes. pillow over the facerisk and all. and zaboo's been comatosesince i got in. he's been farting whatsmells like espresso. so ew. everybody's been actingso weird.
tomorrow's the lastday of the con. but it can't be the lastday with my guildies. i mean, we're real friends. but clearly, we need the gameto hold us together. so tomorrow, plotting. i think i'm going to gosleep in the bathtub. i can lock the door. [farting] -tink.
tink. i'll forget about everything. your name, your family,everything. just please don't hate me. -god, i slept so goodlast night. it was like the biggestrelief ever. i owe you one, stupid. -oh, so we're cool? listen.
even though our game's about todisappear, i still want to be friends with you. -they're not gonnashut it down. -well, maybe you're right. maybe i've been hallucinatingabout everything i've seen and heard this weekend. but today, you and iare going to find out one way or another-- [yelling]
wish i would have knownthat before i kicked. i would have done it harder. -you? you have been stalkingme all weekend? why? -your appearance at thisconvention had a touch of kismet to it. so you were alone, saw somebodyyou knew, but you couldn't even say hilike a real person.
-nice. hit him with insight. -the axis broke up. through no fault of my own. i thought you might beinterested in a new guild leader, one who does notsmell of moth balls. -replacing vork? let me give that a second. not our guild.
you find your own family. i am a lone, unarmed paladin ina pvp wasteland whose god has forsaken him. we once shared sexytime together. crit heal my loneliness. this convention is a perfectopportunity for you to be somebody else, someonewho's less jerky. you might be able to findsome friends here. but those friends?
not us. no quote. maybe he actually listened. -i'm just glad the mysteryis solved. last night, i dreamed of a furrygnawing my face off. it was starting to get to me. please don't do that. -so yesterday, when i saw youmaking your robots beat up famous peoples, i knewi had to step in.
-agreed. i just needed a goodnight's sleep. clara, you helped me regainmy conscience. and for that, i wantto do you a favor. -are we going dancing? -even better. i took in 28 hours ofcrafts classes over the past two days. so we're going to build you acostume that's so awesome
sausage that those steampunkguys are gonna be begging to take you back. -oh, my gosh. do you need help? remember, i'm pregnant. i've got it all taken care of. i don't remember drivingup with this thing. -ah, robots. -my loyal henchmen.
-no, no, no, no. this is not why i textedyou here today. i'm not going to the dragonsin pastel panel. nor will i be attending theandroid girlfriends seminar, programming your own passion. in fact, i'm not going tobe going to any panels-- ever again. although i can now sculpt anyalien head in the sci-fi universe from spreadablecheese--
-how cool. -yeah, it is cool. i've done too muchmass damage. and now i've got to step downfrom the iron throne. big speeched. no, no, no, no. shhhh. don't speak. -they never do.
-i made up my mind. the seat savers buddynetwork for-- making cool friendships and-- i gotta work on thatstupid title. it's dissolved. it's been a pleasure servingwith you spartans. dismissededed. -i am so proud of you. hand me that blowtorch.
let's burn things. -ha. -now what? -there he is. there's floyd petrowski. look at all those papers. i bet it's the contractto sell the game-- and his soul. early birds, huh?
look. i didn't plan on hiringbooth babes today. but, uh, for you, i'llmake an exception. -um, that's floyd petrowskiin there, right? -yes, it is. ha, ha, ha. your friend busted his ballspretty good the other day. she'll know as well as me. -great.
i made an impression. -i super really wantto meet him. can we go back there? say hi? -say hello? hell no. mm mm. boss is deep busy today. he's making a really bigannouncement after the costume
contest tonight, so. -what announcement? you can tell us. -what are y'all doing? y'all giving birth? because that's whatit looked like. i'm not just some weird internetgamer type of dude that's just going to go forevery single chick that flirts with me, ok?
that was flirting. i'm gonna stand right herein a stance of power. cross me if you want to. -what are we gonna do now? -wait the doofus out. in the meantime, i haven'tgotten a chance to play the new demo yet. -recite to me the topof your rote. avast, ye audience.
this be the cheesy beard'spirate warning you to listen. or i'll cut your internetwith me cheesy mind. -we may have to offer a discountfor the accent. -squeeze the cheese. squeeze the cheese. -what's the meaning of this? i'm giving no one refunds. -your pirate friend blew me andmy friends off for more important people.
he slammed the doorin our faces. -boo! -ok, ok. ladies, let's be realfor a second. we're really on differentlevels. and hey, if the shoe had beenon the other foot-- -i want it on record thatas his manager, i do not discriminate against anyonewho's paying. i'm equally un-fondof everyone.
-this is a pr disaster. -i'm not doing anything otherfamous people wouldn't do. right, guys? come on, guys. -shut up. -i'm good. -what's your name? -your padawan learnsthe hardest lesson. never invite thewrath of fans.
-chari-- er, mad-- sigh. -these changes are retarded. they gift flurry arrows? slash hug them to death? -sh. we don't want anyonemore demoralized. we've been playingfor two hours.
-your point? -there's the rtx guy. they're gonna talk business. we've gotta hear what they'retalking about. -we can't just barge in there. -well, what then? -check it. hey, hero. -want to take down the hydraboss at the watering pools?
-here. join our party andwe can chat too. -play with girls? real girls? yes warrior for hire. cool. -think of it that way. -what are you doing? -you're talking--
-keep your finger on thepush to talk button. cool? -baby? -baby. this is so hot. -finally, someone who embracesa stereotype. -i can hear them king. awesome plan. -ladies?
we ready to jet? -in a sec. keep pressing. -wait, wait, wait. floyd just asked for theirbusiness plan. -ladies, you're cute. but i'm kind of dyingover here. -so are we. -you gotta be kidding.
codex, you were right. -we gotta tell the guild. ladies? aw. mega-boner. -i called a guild summit. this is so official. i've read a lot about summits inhistory classes i've taken. i seem to remember that outof one of them, they
produced the un. oh, and there's that oneg-something that european hippies don't like. i'm not stupid. i'm just ignorant aboutthings i don't rss. and i'm not putting mysummit on the scale of world peace or-- european hippies. but this our game we'retalking about.
we've got to get off theconvention distractions and focus on what matters. i mean, th-- th--this is serious. clara, i need youto take minutes. stop eating from the mini bar. -clara, are you insane? -we have to pay for that crap. -why don't you throw moneyin the street? -the situation is as dire as i
neurotically surmised yesterday. -must be a first. -vork, what are you doing? -leaving. this has been a horrificexperience. i don't care to keep existingin this time space. -but you're our ride. -then i suggest youget packing. -we're discussing the futureof our game and-- and-- and
forming a mandate. -besides, we can't leave yet. zaboo and i spent all morningmaking the most kick ass costume accessoryever invented. clara and i are goingto have a three-way with a trophy later. heh? -please turn that off. the rtx guys said that theircompany wants to make the game
more accessible. -as fans, we have no right tocriticize what people do with their creative properties. -oh, please, you're justsensitive about that chick you were flirting with earlier. -vork flirting? hurl. he got smart-mouthed with somemilf-y tv star, put his foot in it, and she stormedoff in a huff.
-i alienated the fantasylove of my life. i can no more heal this wound ofmortification than pay full price for miniature golf. -start dating an s&m chick. then she'll come sniffingaround. worked for me and codex. yeesh. stink-eyed. -listen up, guys.
they're going to makethe game free to play, appeal to casuals. -casuals? -don't aneurysm yet. it gets worse. the game will be free to play,but they're going to micro-charge for everything-- changing costume colors,bank space rentals, epic loot drops.
-i change my colorsall the time. i need rainbows atmy fingertips. is that from the mini bar? -this morning we were up$200 in snack charges. your fetus owes me. and if we're checking out,so do all of you. you're covering the room. you're the one whomade us come. and you made all that moneyoff your booth.
-we were banned from our onlyincome source because bladezz went diva-licious on our fans. -they overreacted. i was just being me,but more fancy. they're getting rid of allblood graphic effects. parents demanded it inorder to be able to market it to tweens. -screw tweens. -weren't you justone yourself?
-they're censoringall profanity. they're getting rid ofnipple npc graphics. centaur chests are the best. i won't let this happen. i'm a mom, and i [bleep] love swearing. -clara, are you seriously wipingyour face with one of our shirts? scary villain costume.
-not only did you ditch ourbusiness this weekend, but you are using an $8 face napkin. -they are taking deathout of the game. instead, characters will justfall to the ground, and canaries will circle theirheads for 15 seconds. oh, oh, they're making an app. -adios. guadalajara, all. -vork, stop.
i almost quit thegame yesterday. but i didn't becausei love you [bleep]. -whoa, that was weird. -are you serious? after the thing with you and thething with floyd, i just-- i just want to quiteverything. -well, that would suck. no one lets me harassthem like you do. -and you technicallycan't quit.
i believe i have youunder contract. -well, whatever. i'm not going to. but look at us. this convention hasseparated us. how are we going to survivesomething like the change of our whole universe? -fighting that wouldbe hopeless. i'll have to abandon claraand start a new clara?
poor former me clara. -they haven't signed allthe paperwork yet. floyd is totally stalling. he's neurotic like codex. we can convince him. -if we can track floyd down atthe ball, maybe we can show him, as a guild, how importantthe game is to us. and then convincehim not to sell. -hello-ed.
you guys really need tocheck out the fine print in the program. it says that costumes arerequired for the costume ball. and i ain't got one. -we can use my steampunk one. -well, gee willikers for you. but the rest of us have no morespendable income left to purchase frivolous sundry. and i can't wear my pirateoutfit or i'll get clubbed
with 1,000 light sabers. -fun fact. i know a fashion designer. -um. yeah, i can design, sure. but where are we goingto find materials? barber shop quartet: (singing)megagame-o-ramacon. megagame-o-ramacon. it's the con that'snumber one.
so much fun for everyone. it's megagame-o-ramacon. cosplayers dressed 24/7. it's a geek and gamer heaven. if you're not here, you'reout of luck. you're entry's just 300 bucks. -costume contest startsin 10 minutes. line up. watch the munchkinoutfit, tink.
you ready? we gotta go find floyd. -first, check out whatzaboo and i made. viola-d. -you must be bleeping me. -i had a boyfriend once whostole a traffic cone from a parking garage while we wereon a date together. it was the most illegal thingi've ever been a party to. and i panicked every time iheard a siren for, like, two
years straight. i know the guild's going to haveto break some rules to convince floyd notto sell the game. but today, i am willing togo behind the gray bar hotel for the cause. that's prison speak for,well, you know, prison. for once, i am risktaking in-- everything. i'm wearing an outfit tinkmade for herself.
i'm in danger of slippingnipplage with every step. viva la revolucione! [sirens] -ooh. that's not funny. -you guys made a whole blimp? and this is how youoperate it. -i didn't take the extremecosplay and the gobot robotics panels for nothing.
-guys, we're here totalk to floyd, ok? so forget about the blimpthing and let's go. -airship, codex. this creation isawe-inspiring. hey, is that thedoor to my van? -oh, yeah. we got crazy creative. -uh, what number are you? -uh, we don't have a slot.
-oh, if you aren't on my list,i can't have you walk-- or float-- in at the last minute. -oh, but-- -my, my. how quaint. don't play it off, dear. this thing is frackingamazing. uh, clipboard lady,i'm with them.
they have a slot, right? i'm on their team. i've earned it. -we are short a quorum. alina was taken homewith the influenza. -the what? -bad chicken salad. -so is she with you or not? [clapping]
-welcome to the fold. -it will require my assistanceto operate from the ground while you're on stage. pretty please, letme drive it. i just saw floyd entersome vip area. there are burly menguarding it. -burly men? i'll get them. organizer (offscreen):get ready, everyone.
-we have to stall. floyd is going to announce assoon as the costumes finish. -bladezz, they'llrecognize you. go on stage and stalleveryone. -what am i supposed to do? -start by begging forgivenessfrom the fans. there's fodder there. -vork and i will stay herebecause we're gonna blow some freaking minds.
-they'll let us in thespecial area, right? just bat my eyelashes. -i'll just bat my wingstoo, because-- augh. every time i thinki'm fragged, they respawn me back in. -no loss. -honey, we all found costumesfrom your native country. -no words.
-you. -next year, you can make usall costumes, peanut. move. -arigato. -thank you all for coming. look at-- -hey, hey, excuse me. um, ladies and ladies, i mightbe a face you recognize with fondness or loathing.
[boos] -uh, rachel, con volunteer. i really owe you an apology. um, i done you wrong, girl. and i'm here to say that i'm-- sorry. -what about me? do you remember me? -yeah, and um--
what was your name again? -you suck. right. does anyone have a laptop? -holy butternut. she's wearing her timerings costume. fate, must you rub yourtabasco irony in my tender loins? we have famous friendsin there.
-unlikely. -but, uh, you can alwaysuse more hot girls in the vip area. i've watched cable shows. we're like furniture. so-- -chicks with subtlety andoutfits that fit properly. -oh, god. how long has that been out?
-move on. -now. -this chick was from la. hey, hollywood. oh. ashford. oh, man. you smell like garlicand peanut butter. it was kind of a weird combo,but you know, i won't judge.
so all right. oh, and ed. uh, character namefrandis right? i remember you told me one timeyou were so drunk you peed in your own pantry. that's-- that's a good story. -thank you, cheesy. i love you again. -oh, apologizing feels good.
-guys, where are you taking me? seriously. i was in the middle ofa crisis situation back there, you know? and now i'm in the middleof another one. no, not stan lee. are you kidding me? no, this is conventionsuicide, guys. -cheesy, cheesy, cheesy,cheesy, cheesy, cheesy,
cheesy. -we've got to get in there. -don't yell at me. i'm not the one who had myelasto-thong sticking out. -it has no more structuralintegrity. i don't know why. -forget it. we're toast. -arf, arf.
bark, bark, bark. -congrats. i think. -i love this one. this guy came in from,uh, japan. i didn't play terry'svideo yet. she has three kids. and a peanut allergy,i remember people. -thank you, cheesy kid.
but let's move on to the costumecontest, shall we? now, our mistress of ceremonies,someone you will surely recognize-- charity from time rings. -oh, thank you. the first costume groupis steampunk verite. -pedal to the brassfixtures, buckees. [dramatic music] -wrist, wrist, arm,arm, wrist, wrist.
-how my alina would haveloved this view. damn thee, chicken salad. -i've never been ina parade before. i should have mademy hair bigger. -i'll never sign yourcomics, monster. tell your men to fall back. -guys, we can't go backto the way it was. you know, i actually had secondthoughts too when codex and i totally made out.
but i knew it wasn'tgoing to work. i want to be good andnoble in this world. and you should too. -what are you wearing? did i create that character? well, you win some,you lose some. -guys, just think aboutwho you're dressed as. you're the master chiefs. i corrupted you, butyou can fight back.
you're better than this, masterchief number one. and so are you, masterchief number two. you can't capture andtie up stan lee. he's a legend. -i agree. i'll just untie him. i'm standing right here. oh, it just slides off. -oh, i'm free.
son, i've created manya superhero. -stan, that's it? because i feel like there's asecond part of that sentence that you were-- -floyd. we would like to talkto you about the-- -stop it. we encouraged furry fornicationto get in there. -hey, those are my friends.
let them go. vork, full steam ahead. [dragging metal noises] [alarmed crowd noises] -does anyone have agyroaltimeter handy? oh, tally-ho. -we're descending. -i do believe we'reabout to crash. ho hum.
-thinking back on what i vaguelyknow of history, there is no event involving adirigible blimp-mobile that has ever gone right. i mean, didn't those thingsfamously crash and burn? that's why we inventedairplanes. because those balloon thingswere not reliable. and, in general, our whole planto save the game was just like [blows raspberry]. i mean, we would make the worstscooby doo team ever.
our van would crash. the bad guys would get awaywith haunting whatever. and-- and we'd lose the dog. come to think of it, zaboodid disappear pretty quick off the top. (scooby doo voice) row. zaboo snacks. that was terrible. -listing starboard.
-oh, drat. where's my snuff? -through the rings of time. [crash] [screams] applause] -are we still onthe continent? [applause] -wicked ride.
-good call, floyd. let's get this wrapped upbefore the announcement. i also need to grabmy inhaler. -tink, they're gonnago sign something. ah. -man, i can't believe i didn'tget stan lee's autograph. he was sitting right here. [phone vibrates] -master chiefs, we need tomobilize the seat savers
network one last time. get out your cell phones. we need to do this for the goodof mankind to recapture that hail of glory. who am i to judge? i'm in a fricking butterflycostume. [phones ringing and vibrating] -you think you cango and get it? because, i mean,you look like--
what's up? this some, uh, nerdpower trip? it is. -intimidated? huh? i can make these guyssit anywhere i want. well, i mean, not make. like entreat, or appealto a higher-- it's collaborative work--
you need to talkto those girls. -looks like you dweebs gota date with security. -mom, dad, meet my fiance. -oh, you're engagedto my baby. welcome to the family. -he's so cute. -son, i'm in waste management. -i'm out of here. why do i have so many haters?
-paper or plastic? opinion? -i was wrong. so wrong. -you had your reasons. -i insist on my wrongness. now, let's get you out ofharm's way, madeline. let's continue with thecostume contest. -dudes, that was epic.
oh, i hope someone caughtthat on video. viral times. -we got it all. do you mind if we use yourconfessional for our website? -let me just speakto my manager. oh, god. oh, eyes burning. um, for the price of our hotelbill and a modest licensing fee, i'm sure we canwork something out.
-oh, not a good timefor fandom. i made my decision. done. -i am going to talk to youlike i talk to my webcam, which never judges me. so this is super, superhard to do. all the crazy stuff that'shappened tonight, that's been me and my friends. because we love the game thatyou created so much.
it brought us togetheras a guild. i would never be friends withso many different kinds of people in real life. um, not that i'm racist orageist or anything-ist. i did use the word mongoloid onetime thinking it was ok. it is not ok. the point is it that, um, youcreated something wonderful. don't allow it to be broken. it would--
it would break us apart. -you know, that's-- that'sa really nice sentiment. but this is my life. it's my future. how would you like every morningto wake up and read things like, you know, oh, youlook sickly in person. you know? oh, i lost my save point. hope you die in your sleep.
wouldn't that make you, like,you know, think about what you do for a living? it is not easy todo what you do. but no one else can do it. you've got to think aboutit like a game party. you are the take. you are front and center. and you have to be shieldedproperly so you can swing your broadsword of creativityacross the--
that is so stupid. please don't rage quit. just reconfigure your party. that is, unless you really don'tcare about your legacy and the game and-- and thepeople who play it. but i think you do. i think you care about it asmuch i care about my guild. -i-- i hate making decisions.
-that concludes ourcostume contest. mistress of ceremonies. ahem. my turn. oh, thank you. whew. it's hot in here. oh yes. announce the winner.
and the winner of the costumecontest and the $20 gift certificate for bowlingis steampunk verite. [cheering] yes, i won something. thank-- -we won something. -mm, back off, sirponce-a-lot. you guys were justmy accessories. i won.
yes. bowling. oh, that was very sweet. now, a word from oneof our sponsors. you know him as the creator ofan mmo that you love and play. please, hands togetherfor floyd petrowski. who can resist a cute,generic superhero? i am cute right now. -i'll give it a shot.
but on one condition. [cheering and applause] -hello, everybody. i'm floyd petrowski. i was going to make somebig announcements about changing the game. but, um, if you playedthe demo, um, it-- it's all there. so no changes, uh, to the game.
-that's right, chet. not going to change anything. screw gamers. i'm moving to comic books. they'll work for food stamps. -he's not very likable. um, so you know, we justthought, hey, let's just keep doing what we're doing,you know? and maybe give a freshperspective on it.
the gleaming cross spell forpriests is totally back in. other than that, uh, yeah,that-- that's it. uh, thank you. [tentative applause] -who wants some free t-shirts? -tink, best business ever. -we did it. we did-- something.
-this con is done. can't wait to be sitting infront of a computer to socialize again. -bye, zaboo. see you next year. -for sure. down with the covenant. -w-- what? -are those your robot friends?
-now, pumpkin, we were rightdisappointed about that fella not being your real fiance. -i wanted a double wedding. -now, you answer the phonefrom now on, ok? -you know the probabilityof that. but christmas? it's on. -you make us elf outfitsand we'll make you teriyaki candy canes.
-ok, don't push it. please. -break it up. i want to see my kids. wow, did i just say that? -april lou, bye, april lou i'mgonna miss you so much. -apr-- your adventures insnacking cost me half my weekend scratch.
-does the phrase mini bar forbreakfast ring a bell? ringy ding ding. -we have to take youhome with us? -ooh, hipsters. i love your look. -i'll miss you. -call me. -we'll skype. it's free.
tink (offscreen): move it. are we ready to jet? -hiya. i just perfected pee. -i don't know if i can driveafter last night. what happened? -mm. see you monday morning, right? work on those ideas of yours.
i kind of forgot to tellyou guys something. [theme music]
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