weird diets that work fast

from anti-freeze garnished salad to anal juicemilk shakes, we look at 8 disturbing fast food facts. 8. eat fresh, eat rubber• if most of the world banned the use of an ingredient, you’d think the fda wouldfollow suit. • the chemical azodicarbonamide, is usedto make yoga mats and those sexy flip flops you love so much. it’s mostly used industriallybut it’s also used to make those fast food buns extra fluffy. in large amounts it’sbeen known to cause respiratory problems, skin irritations, allergies and asthma. thenwhen it’s baked into your food it becomes a carcinogen. aba is already banned in europeand australia, but america is still pro-chemical

crapola.• subway was recently singled out in an online campaign because of their whole ‘eatfresh’ vibe. subway have insisted that they’re going to stop using aba but don’t worryyou won’t be deprived of your yoga mat goodness, this shit is still being used at mickey d’s,jack in the box, wendy’s, and a slew of others. in short; cheap shit in bread be nasty.7. maggot-licious • when asked you the ideal number of maggotsin your meat ball sub, you’d probably say zero.• but as it turns out the fda really haven’t set the bar very high for fast food retailers.these guys are totally chill with your tomato-based sauces containing maggots and fly eggs, yum!• they’ve even accepted sauces which contain

30 or more fly eggs and 1 or more maggotsper 100 grams of sauce. but 31 eggs is the limit, any more than that a serve is crossinga damn line. 6. beaver butt juice• do you ever notice on an ingredient labels say stuff like, “natural flavouring”?sounds pretty harmless right? wrong, we were all wrong. *ah hem* sorry about that…• one of these natural flavourings is called castoreum that’s in a heap of stuff; yourmilk shakes, thick shakes, ice creams. the harmless sounding stuff actually comes fromthe anal secretions of beavers. yeah, let that sink in. both male and female beaverssecrete this funky tasting spunk to mark their territory. it’s used all the time as a cheaperalternative to vanilla.

• so sure, anal juice might technicallybe natural, it comes from nature but for god sake bear urine comes from nature and i’dsure as shit like to know if it’s in my fuckin meal.5. chicken nugget, old flame • ahhh chicken nuggets, you make my heartbeat faster. i love it’s love and not a coronary.• before 2003, mickey d’s nuggets used to be made with what they call ‘mechanicallyreclaimed meat’ – which has a disturbing ring to it. that’s where they would throwin all the gross parts of the chicken, put it through a big sieve and killing the bacteriaby soaking it in ammonia. then re-flavour the crap out of it with salt and sugar untilit tasted edible. well you got my mouth watering

just thinking about it.• but then mcdonalds got go bitch-slapped by the release of ‘super-size me’ so theyswitched to white meat for the nuggets. yay for you guys…except the new recipe stillhas some questionable shit in it; butane for one, which is a preservative and a kind oflighter fluid. then there’s something called dimethylpolysiloxane: it’s used to makesilly putty and household silicones. 4. hair pie• apparently some vegetarian dishes aren’t so vegetarian after all. a heap of fast foodplaces uses l- cysteine. • which is made from hog hair, duck feathersand even human hair. this stuff is in a heap of fast food buns and commercial breads. it’salso used in the outer shell of apple pies

at mickey d’s. mcdonalds will only say thattheir source is from an animal, but won’t say which animal.• some of l-cysteine is from hair salons in china where women sell off the trimmings.so the next time you’re eating an apple pie; remember, you might be eating fried asianhair pie. 3. kentucky fried nope• kfc just wouldn’t be the same without the beloved colonel sanders as their iconicmascot. but what most people don’t know it that the real life colonel sanders loathedwhat his restaurant chain became. • in 1964, the colonel sold off kfc andaccording to him it was all downhill from there. he stayed as the face of the companybut was really vocal about how shitty the

food had become. it was said that he’d hadquite a few temper tantrums in front of customers. he yelled about how it was the worst friedchicken he’d ever seen and called the gravy “wallpaper sludge”.• kfc tried to sue him to for constantly dissing the brand but it was thrown out ofcourt and they slipped the colonel a cool million the shut the flip up. the fact thatthe colonel’s face is still plastered everywhere, kinda makes kfc the stalin of the fast foodworld. hell, kfc probably offed the old guy. or plot twist; the colonel is alive in siberiaplotting an uprising. ahh a boy/girl can dream. 2. hold the cheese, please• a burger without cheese is like a massage in thailand without a happy ending; not onmy watch buddy. yep, cheese is pretty awesome.

• but the stuff you’re getting at a fastfood joint is actually more like 50% cheese. the rest is chemical additives, flavorings,salt and other crap. all the additives are why their cheese doesn’t really melt andstays in one piece where normal cheese gets all gooey and sexy.• fast food cheese is basically like the terminator of cheeses, but more like robertpatrick terminator because there’s no destroying it. it’s no wonder it looks like plastic;fast food cheese has more filler than madonna’s face.1. lube me up, scotty • fast food companies can be pretty sneakywhen it comes to all the chemical, industrial-style ingredients they’ve snuck into the big macsand mcnuggets.

• so when you end up at mickey d’s youthink, “no probs, i’m a get me a salad, avoid all the chemical shit” but as it turnsout, your salad isn’t so safe after all. there’s a chemical used on fast food saladscalled propylene glycol. it’s also used in anti-freeze and as a sexual lubricant andmuch more. so it’s about as appetizing as it sounds. it’s an alcohol based chemicalthat keeps lettuce leaves crispy. • as far as the fda can tell, propyleneglycol is safe to eat but considering all its other uses that doesn’t mean it’sthe kind of shit you want to be consuming with your ranch salad. so next time you’relubing up remember that what’s making your anal play possible is also making your lettuceleaves crispier.

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